The many faces of motherhood

Am I alone in the fact that I am constantly aware of the battle between roles in my life?  I find that with so much to do and so much on my plate, I am always thinking of the next thing that I have to do and who I have to call, or where I have to get my kids.  This ever-present turning wheel often prevents me from being fully present in the moment and thus I miss out on enjoying so much of life.  I am working to change this about myself.

Years ago I sold Mary Kay in order to earn a little 'fun' money and get some much needed adult conversation while being a stay-at-home mom.  One important lesson I learned from that experience was to think of myself as a "work-in-progress."  We used to do a lot with positive affirmations and tell ourselves "I am in the process of becoming....."  I think that's what I must do now. 

I love my job as music teacher.  I am able to spend time with young adults and watch them learn and grow.  Often, though, I watch them make mistakes that will affect their lives forever and in their typical teen aged mentality, they cannot acknowledge this fact.  I find this to be completely emotionally draining.  I am not always able to let it go.  They are not my children, but as educators, we often think of them as such.  As much as I know this is a weakness of mine, it also defines who I am and how I am able to relate to my students.  I feel that I must change this, but I fear the outcome if I am able to do so.

On a more positive note, I am quietly finding bits of the old self I used to be as I move my life and family from the town I grew up in.  Change is sometimes cleansing and this process, through grief and loss, has helped me to find some quiet place to take stock in what gifts I have and in what makes me happy and whole.  The answer to the latter is emphatically, my family!

My husband and children and our extended families are what make me most happy.  There are lots of things that I can do to add to the joy of life like singing, writing, knitting, scrapbooking, quilting.  All of these are nice and fun, but with the exception of the knitting, they also take away from my time with my family.  I think this is where our ancestors had it made!  The things they did to fulfill them all allowed them to stay present for their family.  There's nothing wrong with that.  For some of us, that's what it's all about!