Day 55 - How wonderfully fulfilling to do for others!

So here is where my heart lives - in the joy of doing for others. It almost feels selfish to relish in the feelings of happiness and contentedness. I have been so hyper-focused on the career, the kids needs and other pressing things that the knitting has gone by the wayside. I really wanted to spend mother's day knitting and relaxing in that simple joy but each of my WIPs were in "problem" mode! So off I went to my LYS for help and inspiration! Jen helped me figure out what row I'd stopped Meag's lacy sweater on and Tasha rationed with me that I just needed to rip my Aran square back to the blatant un-crossed cable and inch or so back. Paula offered to take my other project to figure out my problem but I couldn't let her do it! I really didn't want to let it out of my hands and I felt even more strongly that I should be the one to figure this puzzle out.

You see the puzzle was my mothers! For a few years I have heard her tell the story of the afghan in the attic. I was always intrigued and interested to see it but the conversation always ended with "oh, it's really nothing to look at, all synthetics, I'm sure and barely even started. We'll look at it another time." That's my mother - always practical. I however finally found my opportunity to sneak up to the attic and find The Attic Afghan! Not only was I not dissapointed, but I was thrilled with what I found and promptly stole it and headed to the shop to figure out how I could finish this for Mom!

The story goes something like this. My mother had a lovely life and home in Long Island. She was happily married, a stay-at-home mom to 7 children and surrounded by family and friends. My father, the dreamer, decided to move the family and his woodworking business to CT. A relative who lived in Thompson, CT convinced him that this was where he needed to be and that there were plenty of places his business could flourish. Dad set out to find property and buy a house.

While Mom was back in Long Island stewing over the fact that all she knew and loved was about to be ripped out from under her, she purchased yarn and an afghan pattern and began a beautiful cabled pattern. As mom tells it, the yarn was cheap synthetic and possibly ugly colors (or did I assume the color?) and the lovely cabled pattern she thought she was buying turned out to be mock cabled panels that would then have to be sewn together. In all accounts, it was a failure! She had not gotten very far (1 & 1/2 panels) when her life changed drastically. Daddy found the dream house and moved the family up north.

In my version of this story, Mom sat in very fleeting moments of knitting, as it would be with 7 children, and dreamed of her new life with a happy outcome. She probably immagined that the house would be grand and lavish and that life would be easier. I am sure she willed herself to be strong and not to cry when she said goodbye to family and friends. I know she envisioned herself on the wrap-around porch snuggling any number of children in the afghan.

The reality was that the 'dream house' was an old victorian in need of much work. Over time my father built a kitchen onto the house and the attached out house (yes, I did say outhouse!) was converted into a closet! There was always so much to be done to fix it up and keep it running - there still is to this day! More children kept coming, and in about 10 years, with 9 children, a failing business and a diagnosis of cancer, Daddy passed away and Mom was left to survive it all! She did so graciously and bravely. I thank her for that.

Needless to say, the "Attic Afghan" never again saw the light of day. It lay up there for over 40 years. When I found it, I was thrilled to see that the synthetic was actually 100% Virgin Wool! The colors were an olive/foresty green and white that has yellowed over time. The panel that is done is beautiful! I inspected it all thoroughly and with every touch felt a pull towards giving some small thing back to Mom who's given us all so much. There are no bugs or moths; a tribute to the label's claim of "completely mothproofed!" Other than the yellowed yarn, it's ready to be finished! And although I purchased a compatible off white Galway from Jen, when I got home, I found the exact same yarn on an eBay auction! I will try to get that!

The only potential problem and thus Paula's offer, was that the pattern was no where to be found! I searched books and online and took advice from the masters and tried to figure it out. When all of that failed, I un-knitted 25 rows and painstakingly charted each and every stitch. I then created my own pattern chart and began to complete this afghan. It is so lovely! With every stitch, I am reminded of how the best gift my mother ever gave me was her love of motherhood! I look at my time with my children as my best and most important gift! And with every stitch I remember all that self-less love Mom gave and continues to give to all of us!

I hope that I can finish this quickly and that each time she wraps herself in it, she feels all of that love engulfing her and keeping her warm!

Day 53 - Never stop in the middle of a problem!

Okay so yesterday, I picked up my Aran square with the hopes of some relaxing and productive knitting time! What I discovered was that someone has been playing with my row counter...click, click, click....apparently it's irrisistable! So as I agonize over what row I left off on and begin knitting, I remember that I'd left this project for a while because somewhere, I'd made a mistake that's throwing the pattern off! I wasn't able to find it and thus walked away.

Lesson: a knitter's notebook is an invaluable tool!

Not to be deterred, and determined to make the most of my only opportunity to knit in maybe a month, I abandoned ship and picked up the lucious cotton/bamboo sweater that I'd started for Meag. After all, it was a gorgeous day today, I walked, we saved bunnies, cooked a fabulous and healthful dinner, it only made sence to pick up the organic bamboo! Once I got settled and looked at the pattern to see where I'd left off, I found a 3 x 3 piece of paper attached that read "ripped out 4 rows already; still can't find mistake. Find and correct or rip and start agian!"

Lesson: a knitter's notebook is an invaluable tool, but find the mistake before you put the project down!

Maybe today will provide me with more time, and energy to tackle my past! Let's hope so!

Day 49 - each stitch represents progress and change

These are the things I need to remember! With every stitch I make, I witness the knotting of yarn turning into something amazing. They are the baby steps that lead to greatness! This is where my focus needs to be. When I'm knitting, I can tune out all of the petty people, the dishonesty we face daily and the purely cruel behavior of people who are supposed to be professional. I need to channel that in every moment of my days just to get through!

I do realize that there needs to be change and challenge. Right now for example, I am knitting the baby fern for a block of Sean's afghan. It started out great and moves quickly, but holy moly am I BORED! It's tedious! I should be sailing through but I'm making careless mistakes, measuring it every 5 minutes to see how much closer to done I am! This is not how it's supposed to be. I find my mind wandering to that next Aran square I want to start! Or that yarn I need to order to start the sweater Sean wants! I'm only on square 4 of the afghan though so I cannot lose steam already! I guess I'll have to chose more challenging squares for his project and start those others too!

Change and challenge make me happy! Bring it on world!

Day 48 - 10 days...where have they gone?

Well, I have not been doing a good job of keeping up with this blog and to those who are/were reading faithfully, I am sorry. I will do better.

On a happier note, I've been able to get a lot done over the last 10 days. The house and yard are shaping up nicely. This weekend full of sunshine filled my lungs and my spirit with positively wonderful happiness! I have successfully completed several squares for Sean's afghan. I'm now working on a baby fern leaf pattern to replace the April square which I didn't really love. I also think I may in fact do more than the 12 squares for this so it's a bit larger for my tall kiddo. We'll see! I guess I love that I am embracing the freedom of this project. I do have the expectation of finishing 1 block per month, but they're so easy I can do more and other projects at the same time.

With that in mind, I began my journey into Aran kitting and began my first block of my Great Aran Afghan. I chose a lovely pattern that had cables winding majestically up and down the center. I had a little trouble beginning but a Ravelry friend graciously emailed me some charts she'd made and that was a life saver! I completed my first square on Friday evening and was thrilled! It did turn out the wrong size, 10 X 11 1/2 (they're supposed to be 12 x 12) but I'm hoping I an block it to the correct measurements. We'll see I guess!

Anyway, I learned that I can really tackle new and complicated endeavors and come out on top! I think if I applied this to my current situation, it may look like a new job! Or perhaps a new path on this overall journey. The possibilities are like the Spring sunshine, I am glowing and invigorated to see what each new day and each new stitch brings!