Day 3 - Each day, a lesson

I think that each day will entrust me with new lessons and only I can decide what exactly I will take away from each. Today, I figured out how to put pictures onto my Ravelry posts. It took a while but I could post them in my projects for all to see and I could share them with groups I belong to. Very cool. Lesson: persistence pays off!

I also decided to pick up and begin the second sock for Mom. Living in this house - my in-laws home - I realized today that you never know when life will take those you love away. It's too short to leave those gifts of love, whether they be socks or something more expensive, waiting around to be given. And so I feverishly knitted away at sock #2 of the pair. As I got about an inch from the heel, I have realized that I will probably not have enough of this yarn, this one skein of Happy Feet, to finish my mother's first pair of hand-knitted socks from me. Lesson #2: sometimes when things don't work out, there's a reason. Maybe I waited too long; perhaps my socks are not good enough for her anyway; maybe my dreams of that perfect expression of love is just a goofy idea. I could finish the toe in a different color and she would never care! After all, it's the tops that people will see.

Like much of what I start in life, I find myself second guessing whether the right thing to do is to turn back.....

I wonder what lesson tomorrow will bring. Tonight I feel defeated.

Day 2 (PM)....it's been a long day and a feels like eternity since I finished my first WIP/UFO

So, today is counted as a success. Although I did not get an hour of 'quiet' knitting time in, I did watch a movie with my dear daughter and finished her hoodie vest, yes completely, while we watched! It felt really good to have it done. I wish that it was a little longer on her though, so there's that.

Why is it that each and every time I accomplish something in my life, whether it be a knit project, a Master's degree, a successful Christmas dinner, I don't ever feel really happy? I always find something wrong with it. This is what I'm learning about myself. I must find a way to enjoy life more. To really 'feel' the happiness of time together or a job well done. My family all classified me as "Eyeore" in a game this week! When did I become so gloomy? I guess this goes on the list of things to work on in 2010!

So, day 2, a success and I will be happy that another WIP is now a desired garment to be cherished. Baby steps. Tomorrow I must begin hemming the dress for Lily! I will find joy in that accomplishment too, especially seeing it on her!

Day 2 (AM)

So, today I must accomplish several things. First of all, I joined two on-line knitting groups yesterday which I'm pretty excited about. The first is a St. Patty's Day Swap 2010 group. I will be given a "secret leprechaun" for whom I will make something Irish-y. I will also shower that person with things that they love and they will receive a package from a total stranger! I can't wait to get started on that as I've picked out something I think will be fabulous for them! I also have to find a gorgeous skein of green yarn to send them. I love to buy yarn and apparently, it doesn't have to be for me! Good to know!

The second group I joined is a Two for One WIP group. For every one new project I want to start, I must first finish two that have been left unfinished! This is great for me as I have so many UFOs (Un Finished Objects) around here. I have always been a starter, not a finisher so this should help me with that. The planning will be difficult as I have lots of things I want to start too! I have to be disciplined which may take the fun out of knitting for me, but we'll see. I am a work in progress!

I will sit for at least one hour uninterrupted today, and knit. Here's what's on the agenda: Finish weaving in the ends and sew on 5 buttons on Meag's purple hoodie vest. I finished knitting it up at least 5 weeks ago.

Hem Lily's baby dress and sew on the buttons. If I can get this done, I could even mail it to Cindy before the week is out.

I will count my new project as the neck warmer I started on the day after Christmas....and no, I will not rip it back to get rid of those 3 extra stitches I found at 12:30 this morning!

Day 1

So....today I didn't exactly make time to sit and knit. After getting all excited about this project, I surfed the internet to find ways to get my blog better....to no avail. I also spent a lot of time researching patterns and techniques. I then hosted family for some post Christmas visiting. Though I did take out many projects and share where I was in the process with my family, I didn't really do what I planned.

I did work on the chocolate neck warmer I'm trying from the new book I got for Christmas. (I'll post the book title tomorrow...I'm writing in the dark here!) I got about 9 inches of that done between visits and while watching the dear children play their new video games and while snuggling in front of a good tear-jerker (Secret Life of Bees) with my darling daughter. When I got up to tuck children in, I realized I had 3 extra stitches and it looks like they joined my little warmer about 6 inches back! I will not rip it tomorrow, rather I will learn to love my mistake and hope that no one else notices.

I will also make some time to knit quietly without distractions!

Goodnight!

The Daily Knitting Project

Okay so inspired by "Julie and Julia" AND the huge amount of yarn in my closet, and the fact that knitting brings me peace and happiness.....I've decided to blog daily about my adventures.  This is the perfect time to do such a thing since I have several beautiful garments knitted but not finished.  You know, the ends to weave in, the hems to tack up,  that sort of thing is what time and time again stops the process for me. 

I have discovered, of course, that I am just that; a process knitter!  I love the whole process from picking out yarn, to agonizing over a pattern, to knitting and frogging and knitting again!  What I've also learned is that I HATE FINISHING!!!!!!!  This leads to problems when I decide to knit for others.  This is what I've been doing as of late because knitting for me all the time makes me feel selfish!  But here's the deal - I never finish anything!!!!!!  Grrr........  

So.....this then makes sense, at least to me!  I will, throughout the new year, tackle all of those unfinished projects and get them done.  I will also begin to use that ever growing stash and create some new family heirlooms (more about that exciting project later!).  I will then blog about my progress every day to keep me honest and on track.  

Now I know that this is silly to most as there is no really dire point of all this.  But here's the thing:  I love to knit and life has it's way of making me so busy with work, Dan and the kids, that there is not time to focus on what makes me happy.  I have many other 'things' to tackle this year like that 30lb weight loss, but one thing at a time.  First I'm inserting my 'me' time.  Even if it's only an hour a day to knit and 10 minutes to write, I'm doing this for me!

Here goes nothing!

I love fall!

I can't articulate how much I love this fall season.  For the first in many years, my priorities are back in order and I am able to focus on my family and the things that make me happy.  I have been giving of my energy and time for so long that I am finding it difficult at times to remember what it is that makes me happy and how to do those things!

I have spent some time trying to improve my guitar playing and that has been great!  I teach beginner guitar classes and my skill level has always allowed me to remain a step ahead.  My goal is to always encourage my students to surpass my own level though.  I have recently realized that my daughter's love of music might mean I will need to be there to accompany her sometimes without notice, so my goal now becomes getting good enough to do that for her!  I am loving the process.  

I've also pick up the UFO's (un-finished projects) in my knitting stash and I am finding the challenge of knitting so wonderfully rewarding and relaxing.  I love the feel of the wool in my fingers and I love that I can create something useful in the process.  At that, I am a process knitter!  I love the journey of knitting.  I hope that the finished projects are wearable, but for me the real pleasure comes through the act of knitting.  I do miss my knitting friends at Woolworks and with the move to Sutton, I fear my chances of staying in touch are even smaller.  It's hard to think of getting out there on  Thursday nights (& that's provided there are no so soccer games on Thursdays), staying a few hours and then driving 1/2 hour home with a 5am wake up call the next day.  I really miss them so much though so I think I'll have to bite the bullet!

Organized = happy?

Here I am trying to get and stay organized.  This is a life-long process which comes and goes like the ocean tides.  I expect it, I go with it and then eventually, I forget about it.  This is a process I embrace, but like most things in my life, I go all out and then not at all.  I hope that this will change someday.  I hope that this will be the time that I figure out how to make it a working routine!  

I have spent all morning...3+ hours....marking magazines and cookbooks with recipes I want to try.  I sit here with the calendar looking at the crazy schedule that is my life and I try to plug in recipes that will work.  I have to plan a head.  I am sick to death of take-out and fast food!  I crave a routine of cooking while the kids do their homework and building meals that make them crave the time we spend together enjoying them.  

Last night was a success!  After a long, tiring day (I cannot tell you why), I made a triple batch of "Uncle Tony's Meatballs," some crescent rolls and whole wheat pasta.  They loved every bite!  The pasta was a big surprise because someone has finally found a way to make the whole wheat NOT taste like cardboard!  

Now the pressure is on to find a week's worth of food that will be quick and easy for me to make during 'real life,' and make my family react in that way that says 'Wow Mom!  You're the best!'  Rather than the 'Oh, is there anything else to eat?' reaction that new recipes often result in around here!

Wish me luck!

Small steps for the formerly disorganized!

Today starts another day that does not completely belong to me.  Does any day when you're a Mom?  ;)  Of course I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes I dream of a day or two when I can just get done what's on the list without interruptions, finish early and feel no guilt about sitting down and relaxing a bit!

Yesterday, I was able to get a good deal of purging, sorting and organizing in the new office/music room.  I had to rearrange the furniture to make it work which in return caused the room to lose that extravagant feel it had about it.  This arrangement is decidedly more efficient, but leaves me a bit saddened.  Perhaps when I finish hanging the pictures and the diploma on the wall I'll feel differently.  We shall see.

Anyway, this room has multiple purposes which makes it so challenging to organize.  I don't want to spend anymore money than I have to and thus need to get creative!  It will be used for work and so it needs to be really beautiful so that after a long day working with teenagers, I actually WANT to go in there!  It will also house my private lessons when that gets going so needs to stay professional-looking.  Finally, it is the place I'd like to kick my feet up and knit in, work on finally finishing those quilts I started years ago and do some scrap booking!

No wonder it seems crazy-hard to organize in a user-friendly way!  Oh well, I will not be daunted by this.  Today, I will hang up the wall items and remove the pictures that will eventually be hung in the hallway.  I will finish emptying the two boxes that have been sitting under the piano bench since we brought them over from the other house and I will get it all done before Sean and I leave for the AC Milan/Inter Milan game today!  Lots to do today!

Car Shopping! My least favorite thing to do!

Okay, so a few days ago, DH and I were walking in the new neighborhood and he suggests that I really should consider trading in his car, on which we're still paying, and get a newer/better car for me.  He will be driving his dad's car when the probate issues are finalized and we'd like to be able to give my paid-off car to #1 son when he gets his licence.  This all took quite a bit of convincing because as the one who writes the checks to pay the bills, I literally did a happy dance when we paid of the first car!  Getting out from constant financial debt is my personal goal.  I am so tired of seeing it all go away each week.  I was counting down the months till we were done paying on his Jeep Liberty and having NO car payments.  

His thought process makes logical sense though (darn it!) so by later that day, he was able to convince me to go with him to "just look" at a few cars and see what I though!

Now, my husband knows me well, and he knew darn well that once he had me sit in and test drive a few new cars that mine would feel like an old shoe - still loyal and emotionally committed, but no longer stylish and shiny-new!  Darn this man!

For 4 days, we researched in person and on-line, every Toyota, Nissan, Ford, and Hyundai we liked.  We've had success with many Nissans and Hyundai cars over the years and so that made sense.  We also know people who've loved Toyotas and they get such great reviews that it made sense.  The Ford was a fluke as my fist car was an old Escort lemon that needed a new engine in the first 18 months!  I happened to see a beautiful Edge though in the new "cinnamon" color and just had to try it!  I actually loved it, but didn't find the most reassuring write-ups on how it would hold up over the next 5-10 years!  (I must say to Ford's credit  - it felt and drove great!)

In the world of Toyota's, I preferred the models like the 4Runner, Land Cruiser or Sequoia, but didn't like the huge price tags!  I know, I know, you get what you pay for, but as a mom of two teenagers, there are other places the money needs to go!  I was looking more closely at the Highlander but I must say that looking at a new car in this day and age adds dilemmas.  I want something I will love for many years to come, so it needs to have all the bells and whistles.  At the top of the line with the Highlander, I'm looking at close to $40K!  There's no way I can justify that!

The final outcome of what feels like a lifetime of searching, reading, driving and haggling, is that we got the best deal on a new car from our local Nissan dealer!  They were low pressure and great listeners!  They openly heard what my concerns were price-wise and were even going to sell me an extended warranty on a used Murano I was buying elsewhere!  When they said maybe we should just run some numbers with them and see if they could even get close to what we were finally settled on elsewhere, we did.  I am so glad we did because their offer was the best and I will soon be riding in a brand new Murano that's loaded with almost every option I wanted for a great price!  (I guess I'll have to go to Target and buy a GPS!)

I am so glad it's all over with and can't wait to pick up the car!  It does pay to shop around and in my next post, I'll talk a little about what background work I did to be better armed to go into the fight!

The many faces of motherhood

Am I alone in the fact that I am constantly aware of the battle between roles in my life?  I find that with so much to do and so much on my plate, I am always thinking of the next thing that I have to do and who I have to call, or where I have to get my kids.  This ever-present turning wheel often prevents me from being fully present in the moment and thus I miss out on enjoying so much of life.  I am working to change this about myself.

Years ago I sold Mary Kay in order to earn a little 'fun' money and get some much needed adult conversation while being a stay-at-home mom.  One important lesson I learned from that experience was to think of myself as a "work-in-progress."  We used to do a lot with positive affirmations and tell ourselves "I am in the process of becoming....."  I think that's what I must do now. 

I love my job as music teacher.  I am able to spend time with young adults and watch them learn and grow.  Often, though, I watch them make mistakes that will affect their lives forever and in their typical teen aged mentality, they cannot acknowledge this fact.  I find this to be completely emotionally draining.  I am not always able to let it go.  They are not my children, but as educators, we often think of them as such.  As much as I know this is a weakness of mine, it also defines who I am and how I am able to relate to my students.  I feel that I must change this, but I fear the outcome if I am able to do so.

On a more positive note, I am quietly finding bits of the old self I used to be as I move my life and family from the town I grew up in.  Change is sometimes cleansing and this process, through grief and loss, has helped me to find some quiet place to take stock in what gifts I have and in what makes me happy and whole.  The answer to the latter is emphatically, my family!

My husband and children and our extended families are what make me most happy.  There are lots of things that I can do to add to the joy of life like singing, writing, knitting, scrapbooking, quilting.  All of these are nice and fun, but with the exception of the knitting, they also take away from my time with my family.  I think this is where our ancestors had it made!  The things they did to fulfill them all allowed them to stay present for their family.  There's nothing wrong with that.  For some of us, that's what it's all about!

The obsession!

I have always known, at least since I reached adulthood, that I am kind of an all or nothing person.  I get involved to the point of being in over my head and then I become paralyzed and do nothing.

Knitting is like this.  I have started many projects and feel as if I've finished none.  I've forced myself to return to my passion and try to complete things.  In the last tow days I've finished two garments!  As I have been getting acquainted with Ravelry, I realizes that I've finished many projects.  They are not all big, but they are still worthy of recognition!

Another UFO finished

Yippee!  Another UFO finished! Today Jen helped me finish the Ultra Alpaca vest.  It's a chocolate bolero and it is so yummy!  I'm ignoring the little bit of "itchy" around my neck and just enjoying the finished product!

February vacation gone!

Wow!  I cannot believe that this week is just about over and I have not taken/found any time to do the things I love to do.  It seems that as the children get older, their schedules are more demanding and I feel less and less like making time for myself.  

With basketball season winding down, we found we had practices or games to get to every day and Meag had skating to make up since she was sick all week last week.  To top it all off, both kids were sick this week; I was sick one day and now my dear hubby is home sick today!  We're just passing illnesses around and have not had any time to "do" anything as a family.

I did spend 2 &1/2 days re-writing my guitar curriculum and it felt good to get that done.  I also moved my knew knitting chair (this was my reward to myself at Christmas, for finally completing my Masters degree!) right next to the radiator the day I was sick.  Last night, for the first time in weeks...since Christmas really...I sat and worked on my wrap project.

It always amazes me and warms my heart to feel how the simple act of knitting puts my body and mind at peace.  I will probably never have an occasion to wear a silk/merino purple wrap; I cannot see myself wearing it to the baseball field or skating rink this spring; but I feel great joy just feeling the yarn magically turn into something so beautiful.

I have many projects that I am working on but three that need my focussed attention to complete over the next few weeks.  I need encouragement and incentives!  I will not allow myself to purchase any more yarn for my stash till I finish these!  

First, the Bolero!  Its warm, yummy wool feels like silky chocolate and I will have to go to the shop for help as I have already ripped the entire project out once!  I used the wrong size needles, forgot to use one whole skein of yarn and my seams were a disgrace!  The good thing is, I'm ready to finish so perhaps I can "find time" to get there this weekend for the help I need.

The second project is my first lace shawl!  It is from a Rebecca magazine and it is stunning.  The problem is the 22 ends that must be hidden!  I don't know how to do this so again I must get help at the shop!

Finally (and this is by no means my last unfinished project) is my sweater from Nanny.  My mother-in-law's last gift to me was the money to purchase something for myself for Christmas in 2007.  I bought yarn and a pattern to knit myself a sweater and began it and finished the back and two fronts in the hospital/nursing home/hospital at her side.  Nanny passed away one year ago this Sunday and I've not been able to bring myself to knit the sleeves.  I must finish this sweater before the cold weather goes away for the year.  I'm not even sure what size needles I was using so again I will need help.

I am going to to post the pics of all of the unfinished projects I've started and post them for inspiration and on-line nagging!  

Feel free to nudge me on!

UPDATE:  Today, Jen helped me finish my ends on the Triangular Shawl!  I'm wearing it now!