Day 28 - Oh to knit again!

It seems the days don't always allow for me to ground myself in things I love, like knitting. Rather I am constantly running errands, working, planning, shopping, etc....

Tomorrow Meag and I are going to NYC! It's been a long time coming since I first promised her a trip into the city! This weekend we are having a spectacular mother/daughter weekend! From the Waldorf, to skating at Rockefeller Center, to Bloomingdales and Phantom of the Opera! We're going to have a blast, and the wonderful addition to this, almost 4 hours on a train each way! Lots of time to knit!

Day 27 - New Things

New drivers license, new permit for Sean, new granite counter tops, new faucet. Totally exhausted from just watching it all happen. I cannot wait till I am all better! I am tired of being tired and tired feeling this way. There was no time to focus on getting better today. Tomorrow it's back to work and back to the real world. I will have to brace myself to get through the day though as I am still feeling so weak and shaky. Ah well.

I had no time to knit today and feel that it is going to have to be okay. I will try to do a few rows on Nanny's sweater tonight before I go to bed. That's all for today.

Day 26 - Letting go is hard

Letting go...it's not something anyone can ever prepare you for. We can't live life preparing to let go of all of the dreams, things, people that we may someday find we've lost. Rather, we have to focus on the here and now, and plan for the future in order to truly experience all that life has in store for us. I guess that's why today is so bitter sweet. Tonight we celebrated Sean's 16th birthday. We went to Fire and Ice (which was just okay) and got him some things that will help him make memories he'll always treasure. He got a new battery for the car he'll be able to drive in a few months, Celtics tickets to the game of his choice (within reason) and tomorrow I'm taking him to the RMV to get his permit!

This has been such a tough year for all of us and the transitions have not always been easy. This 16th year will be no exception! We are transitioning from boy to man and dependence to independence. I am not ready or happy about the changes but I know that we have raised good children and they will do well. They will make their own mistakes and hopefully they'll be small and they'll learn from them.

I realized today as I finished my swap partner's gift that I also hate to end a project. I hate to see them go! I am happy to have made it and loved the process but now it's time to let it go. I will weave in the ends tomorrow and start on her second part of the gift. Maybe if I quickly put it in the box I won't miss it so much!

Day 25 - Coming out of the fog and into the wool!

Well, here it is at 10:30 pm and I although my ears feel like they need to pop and my wrists and hands still hurt, and the headache is still quietly hanging around, I feel a little better! It's funny really. I really felt like I was quite possibly going to die today as I spent the day over the new sewing machine finishing Meag's dress. I didn't realize it would be so hard to make the dress, after all, I'd sewn for years when the kids were younger. But making little clothes is easier than teenage dresses. I felt bad that the finishing wasn't nearly as neat and clean as it should be but when all was said and done, the dress looked adorable on her! She's so beautiful! I think that I can do better next time! Amazing that I can actually think that I'll try this again! Amazing, but there's something so wonderfully grounding about making something practical and lovely for someone you love. It makes me feel whole, connected to a past I don't know, to people whom I wish I'd paid more attention to. Does that make sense? I am alone in this?

I don't think that I am. I get that same peace and joy from knitting. I 'feel' more connected with each stitch I make. I 'feel' love. I cannot explain it any other way. It is funny that I this is where I feel complete. I guess this is partly why I am a process knitter. You know, the kid who loves the act of knitting and crafting a garment more than the actual finishing and wearing it! I never want it to end so I've got lots of things started and not as many finished!

I am sure that tomorrow I will be feeling much better and that I am going to find time to relax and enjoy the glorious feel of merino in my fingers. I am also going to remember that 16 years ago tomorrow was one of the three best days of my life! My dear baby boy was born and will turn legal driving age tomorrow! Crazy! How could time have gone so fast? Life has been good.

Day 24 - Four rows is all I could bear

So, over 24 hours on the medication and I'm feeling worse than ever! I did manage to eek out 4 rows on my swap partner's gift. It hurt and I didn't enjoy it, but I did love the feel of the merino in my fingers. It is a comfort if only to my sense of touch. I am truly sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Day 23 - Flu fingers

First, sorry Johnny! You were out voted and thus we move on to day 23, after all the knitting journey didn't stop, just the recording of it all. Time management is not my friend so I'm working on that one.

My fingers are crying today, as is my back, my face and even my toes. I am amazed by the fact that so many body parts can hurt at the same time. The aching makes the headache, sore throat, raw nose, and aching chest pale in comparison! Ugh. On the dining room table lies Meaghan's unfinished dress and the dance is only two days away. I still have to summon the power to attempt that zipper, but really, I can't physically handle that today.

I did go into administer my music exams today and will again tomorrow. It darn well nearly killed me, but was so worth it as my students in both classes really roses to the challenge. I had to find other ways to teach without using my voice much but that's really hard for a chorus teacher!

My sweater sits here next to me begging me to pick up and knit "just a few rows!" But I know better. The power of that pull will have me pushing through the achy-ness all night and then I will really regret it. Even typing this little bit feels quite like climbing a mountain! I will not fail at this one-a-day posting though no matter what! Hopefully when the medication kicks in (it's on its way) I will be able to knit again.

Day 22 - the flu wins out

No knitting today. Just the mere action of working my fingers over this keyboard is agony. Yesterday I stayed home and slept but work must go on and so today I dragged through classes. I tried not to cough on my students, directly anyway! I got all of my exams ready and got the kids to basketball and skating. Then dear hubby called and said he was coming home early and he went to the food store for me, retrieved both children and cooked dinner! I am a lucky woman!

I am missing my knitting. I held my sleeves for the sweater today. That's right, just held them and dreamed of what it would be like to actually wear the finished garment. I love the feel of the Ultra Alpaca. It is sturdy and comforting yet it makes my fingers happy as it winds through with each stitch. It's like a good friend, a reminder of strength and love, a reminder of Noreen. Maybe that's the real reason I've not been able to finish it. To finish it closes a story I'm not ready to end. She'll never see me in the sweater....my last gift from a woman I loved dearly. I miss her and Pop's every single day.

Day 14 or Day 21??????

So, this is really hard to figure out, should I be listing this as Day 21 of my knitting journey, or Day 14 since I haven't posted since day 13? Had I not fallen off the wagon, I wouldn't be here. But the truth of the matter is that I am a starter. Plain and simple, I have know this about myself for most of my adult life. I am constantly trying to change this about myself and I refuse to give in! Let me know what you think!

Speaking of feedback, I want to say Thank you and I'm sorry to Katie! My lone reader! Now that I know you're out there, I feel I've let you down! A week's a long time to go and I will not let you down again - Promise!

I have some legit. excuses! I've been battling some work issues...yes, I am one of those who takes it all home. (Yet another area to change) And I've been working feverishly to make my daughter's dream dress for the Winter Ball at her high school! Truth be told, I'm in over my head as I haven't sewn clothes for the kids since they were in about third grade! I used to love to make them first day of school clothes and Halloween costumes. I'd even make a dress for Meag and matching pants and vest for Sean for Easter and Christmas! One year, I even made my dear husband a matching Christmas vest in dark green velvet! He loves me so much he even wore it!

So amidst the feverish knitting, which I'll get to in a minute, I've been cutting, pinning and sewing! I have the bodice and skirt put together and next is a zipper and straps and then hemming! The dance is Saturday! AUGH!!!!! The zipper scares me but I'll do my best not to let her down!

So, the knitting.....When I can no longer stand the patterning, I've been working this week on my sweater from Noreen. I'd made a promise to finish before the cold weather goes and I am determined not to let myself or her memory down. I've also been hunting for the last ball of yarn needed to finish the project for my swappee, but I'm now wondering if I'll even need it. I'll have to investigate that a little further over the weekend....after I finish the dress!

Day 13 - If only life was as forgiving as knitting!

Today's knitting consisted of the continued effort to create a wonderful gift for my St. Patty's Day swapee. I can't post what it is at this time just in case she ever ventures on here! (Judging by my lack of comments and hit counter, I am the only one who reads this!)

I discovered, as I added a second skein of yarn that I am 10 whole stitches short! I guess the lesson here is don't cast on when you are exhausted! At least start each new project when you're really fresh! Anyway, as I examined the garment, I realized that unless you're really looking for it, you can't notice my mistakes. It still looks lovely and chic! Imagine that?

What if in life, all of our mistakes and missteps resulted in forgiveness and beauty? That is the thought I will take into tomorrow.

What day is it?

So, this weekend was a lot of work time and very little knitting time until tonight! I began a pattern for my St. Paddy's Day swap-ee! It's turning out beautiful and is a forgiving pattern. My only problem now is that I am one skein short of the yarn needed. This seems to be a pattern in my life. I guess it's something I should investigate!

Day 11 - A new and exciting adventure!

Well, today I begin my first "swap" on Ravelry! I'm doing the St. Paddy's Day swap and it's so much fun to discover all you can about a perfect stranger! I think I know what I'm going to get & make and I'm raring to go. Unfortunately I have a two-day field trip which means no shopping time but plenty of knitting time! It's back to the sweater tomorrow and I probably won't post again till Sunday!

Happy knitting!

Day 9 - Knitting Therapy

Lesson of the day: Breathe deeply and knit

Today was a particularly long day at work. I am always excited to get working on new music with my students but getting back into the routine after the long break always leads to more work to be done! Also, this move my family has made has been one true test of character. It is always difficult to move I guess, but the uprooting of the family does not only affect the children. I am finding that I must also find my way in new territory. It is frustrating, confusing and most of all, lonely. For this, I turn to my knitting.

I found some time to continue my journey into "toe-up" sock knitting. Socks are so much fun to knit anyway, but this new challenge also keeps me thinking. Learning something new at 40 is wonderful. I am much more patient with myself and appreciative of the feeling of accomplishment. Yeah me!

I am going to go enjoy another hour or so of this project and go to bed early. Tomorrow, I will post pictures of all of these works in progress (or finished) and try to keep this blog more visually appealing.

Day 8 (pm) Toes up!

Wow! I decided to do this daily blog to keep me focused on the lessons learned while knitting but life keeps getting in the way and the obsession I have for knitting keeps taking over. It's a double-edged sword really. I want to continue growing and learning everyday and blogging helps me to mull it all over and focus on the lessons learned. But blogging means I must put down the needles and open up the laptop! Once I get going though, I don't want to stop for anything. This is my obsession!

So I learned tonight, over three hours, how to cast on using Judy's Magic Cast On. I figured out how to do it on double pointed needles instead of the circulars I didn't own, thus saving me some money! I thought mean and horrible thoughts while getting through the first 5 rows or so as it was like the yarn had a death grip on my fingers and needles (no earthly idea if my fingers will return to normal to teach guitar tomorrow) and then I saw the beauty of it all!

Now I don't mind grafting as the Kitchner stitch is a cinch once you master it. This though was pretty cool to see the toe of the sock come to life out of nothing! It really made me wonder about so many things. Trouble is, it's 11:15pm and I've got to get up at 5am and be a perky Mom and enthusiastic teacher all day. Right now, I'm just too tired to talk. Sorry ....even though I know no one actually reads this!

Day 8 (am) - The Toe-Up experiment

So, feeling very accomplished these days, I decided to be brave. I bought a book of Toe-Up sock patterns recently. I was totally swayed by the pretty pictures and colors! They see me coming a mile away and I am a complete sucker for the pretty! Anyway, I went into the newly organized office/craft room and retrieved the blue & green sock yarn that 9 short month ago, when Gus cam to live with us, had been ripped into and was a knotty, tangled mess! I had a few hours before bed and figured, what better way to spend my last few hours of vacation: untangling pretty yarn while watching mindless TV. All worked well and though it was tough, I was tougher and by 11:00pm, I had one big beautiful ball of yarn! I win!

That brings me to this morning. Now I'd read up on this new "toe-up" technique, and one thing that was immediately different from the way I'm used to doing socks is that you have to split your ball of yarn into two equal parts. Okay. I can now do this because I've got my nice new ball winder and my old food scale.

I first weighed the big ball and found it to be around 4 ounces. Easy enough. I hooked the end of the yarn on the winder and began that magic turning of the handle that produces tidy little packs of yarn. Very easy. Every once in a while I weighed the original ball and when it got to around two ounces, I cut the yarn and then wound the next ball. Pictures speak volumes so I will post them later and let you be the judge!


Lesson: Buy a new digital scale that is accurate!

Day 7 - The end of vacation

Today I woke up to see more snow, gotta love New England, a long and unpleasant letter to read, and the realization that this vacation is ending today. After sitting back to reflect about all that I'd accomplished or not, I realize that I am happy with how our time was spent over this past week.

I was able to get a lot of knitting projects that I'd started long ago, completed. There's something magical about seeing a garment made with your own two hands, some yarn and a few sticks that is amazing! I forgot how much peace knitting provides me with. I must make sure to find time to do this everyday no matter what.

I also spent a whole lot of down time with Dan and the kids. We watched movies, played games, talked and just had some good times together. There were few expectations and each day was left unplanned. We did miss some things that would have been fun to do, but our time together during the regular school/work week no longer allows for quiet time together. As selfish as it is, I am glad that we had these days to ourselves for the most part!

Day 6 - Spending time with family

The holidays can be really wondrous times for some and for others, they can bring about sadness and loneliness. In my case, we see it all. In my immediate family, we relish in spending time with each other. Most of my friends and probably my children's friends think this is 'weird.' The thought of parents and their teenaged kids enjoying each other's company is foreign to most. And certainly life is not always a picnic. However, when faced with the decision to go out and 'do' something for the sake of saying we did it, our clan would rather rent a movie and talk about the day, the upcoming plans or just snuggle. I guess that I am and they are more aware these days that time together can end in an instant. We tend to cherish it and this year I hope to make sure they all know how much they are loved.

On another note, all of this hanging around watching movie time, allows me to knit as we go! I must confess that today I also tried out my new Wii Fit Plus! 35 minutes of silly exercise was better than the 'no' exercise I've done for way too long!

Day 5 (PM) Long, productive day

Well, today was another success! I am already feeling tired though so I thought I'd blog a little early and turn off this over worked laptop.

Today, I finished the dress for Lily. I am sitting here looking at it and cannot wait to see it on her. Cindy is such an earth-crunchy friend and the color and fabric are so fitting for her daughter. I can't believe that I've waited so long to finish this! It's so cute, it almost makes me want to have more babies, just to knit them cute little clothes! But alas, those days are dead and gone.

So I made up my mind today to get more organized in the knitting. I decided to take pictures of projects and of yarn in my stash and log it on Ravelry. I also made up my mind that I must put off getting back on track with Nanny's sweater. This was such a wonderful gift from Nanny and I owe it to her to get it finished and wear it in her honor.

So, after many hours of cleaning my office/stash, I took the plunge and ripped out both sleeves! I had screwed them up long ago and want this to be perfect. I have successfully ripped them out and re-wound the skeins. Amazingly, I do not feel the guilt, loss or regret I thought I would be wrought with! I instead, feel light a weight has been lifted. I feel empowered! I feel strong. I love that.

Lesson: Sometimes we must face our emotions head on. Facing them with honesty and courage can open up new doors! We can only see what we're made of when we trust ourselves to reach our own expectations!

Anyway, tonight, I've casted on both sleeves on one circular needle and am back in business. I should set a goal for myself as to a finish date, but I think I will just enjoy the process!

Day 5 (AM)

Well, I've already finished another project today. I finished the dress I was making for Cindy's baby. It took me 5 months of so to ask for help on the top edge. Lesson: Ask for help when you discover you need it...don't wait!

I woke up this morning wanting it done. I wove in the 14 ends and then proceeded to hem the 40 inches of the bottom of the dress! Lessons: 1. Learn how to pick up the picot edge whilst knitting the garment. 2. hemming in such a way that the stitches are hidden is a very rewarding feeling.

This goes back to the adage that a job well done is worth doing! I was really pretty happy with the fact that I could do this successfully. Having completed this though brings me one step closer to that sweater project that I promised myself I'd finish before Thanksgiving. I did not. This sweater is a blessing and a painful remembrance and so I shouldn't be surprised that I have been avoiding it. Technically, I knitted the sleeves one at a time and made a mistake in the wrist of one. The result, they are two different sizes. I've agonized over my next steps for over a year as that's how long it's been sitting there unfinished.

I guess that leaves me only one real option: I must rip both sleeves out and begin them again. Today I will do just that, rip them out. Maybe then I can come to grips with the fact that Nanny always made me feel like giving anything less than 100% was letting myself down. I really miss her and her inspiration. I need to finish this project and so today I will begin that journey.

Day 4 - I decide what gets my time and energy

Happy New Year! Today closes out Day 4 and I decided not to let the blue socks beat me! Rather, I realized that since the sock would be in a shoe ultimately, it wouldn't matter if the dye lot was a tad bit off and so I went to the yarn shop in the next town over and picked up another skein of my Happy Feet. I finished the sock as Nutmeag and I watched silly Disney shows and then rented a movie. I even wove in all the ends and got them ready to deliver to Mom tomorrow.

I love making things for other people. I hope that each time she wears them, she feels how much I love and honor her. She, like the whole process of knitting, has always been there for me. Teaching me new things about myself around every turn. I hope that like my mother, these socks will be strong, comforting and last forever.

That is my wish for 2010.

Well, I'm keeping it short as I have a lovely family waiting to snuggle up and watch bad New Years programing and fall asleep! Can't wait to see what Day 5 brings.